Transience
by HazardPoppy5
Summary: Kaim gets lost in thought as the party travel to the Old Sorceress' Mansion. Just what are human emotions? Kaim-centric. No couples.


Hi everyone! This is my first fanfiction ever so any and all feedback is welcomed. :)

Also, this fic is unbetad so please, please, _please _tell me if you find any mistakes concerning grammar or spelling and I will endevour to eliminate them. Thank you, I hope you enjoy reading.

**Disclaimer: **In no way do I own, or have any rights to, Lost Odyssey. Lost Odyssey belongs entirely to Microsoft and Mistwalker. This is a non-profit story for entertainment.

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><p>Of all the human emotions Kaim Argonar had witnessed and unwillingly participated in over the last 1,000 years, frustration was undoubtedly the worst. That grinding feeling of angst inside your chest that you try to forget or replace with other feelings. Even as you force a smile, or a choking laugh you still feel it bubbling up, making you want to smash the nearest object or just<em> scream<em> endless and nonsensical words, drowning out the things you don't understand or don't want to know about with your own voice and power. Although, as soon as your voice fades, and silence reclaims its hold over the surroundings you realise that the whole effort was completely fruitless. The frustration is inside you and feeds off your thoughts; which no amount of screaming can destroy...

Cursing his tumultuous mind Kaim crouched down over the creek, filling the well-travelled water skin he was holding. Through the sparse trees to his left he could hear the rest of the party setting up camp for the night. The seemingly ever-growing group had just left Tosca, heading North-East toward the Old Sorceress' Mansion. As the sun slowly slipped over the horizon, the shadows elongated and the creepy whispering of the late afternoon wind came scratching through the trees which were becoming rapidly more stunted and dead-looking. It was unspoken, but Kaim could feel the growing anxiousness and fear spreading throughout the group. It seemed a bit absurd that experienced travellers were spooked by some half told stories of the 'evil witch', but he noticed the way Mack's eyes kept darting around and Cooke's sudden disinclination to be anywhere more than a couple of paces from Seth's side. Even Jansen was gripping his staff with more force than necessary, although, with the way his eyes kept checking over the queen, perhaps he was looking for another opportunity to play the hero. Queen Ming had also sensed the unease and had suggested that they stop for the night. Kaim had given his silent assent with a slight dip of his head, and dropping his pack to the ground, had proceeded to head off to refill his water supply.

The creek looked dirty and brown, choked with algae and slime. A small distance away to his right Kaim noticed a dead frog floating along the top of the scummy surface before getting caught on some small twigs sunken in the mud that had broken off from the tree swaying above. With a slight frown Kaim lifted his water skin, checking that it was full he replaced the cap and wiped some half solid green gunk off the skin. Drinking such water would certainly make any of the mortals sick for days, maybe even weeks if the thick sloshing sound of a liquid that isn't entirely liquid the water skin made as he plonked it roughly down onto the ground next to him, was any indication. Nevertheless, Kaim had no need to worry about such things, being exposed gradually to almost every sickness throughout his 1,000 years he had built up quite the immunity to the various illnesses that plagued mortal men.

Through the trees he could hear the crackling of a fire that was being built up to cook the last meal of the day. Louder still were the playful shouts of the two children, Cooke and Mack, no doubt engaged in another one of their annoying games that seemingly only consisted of three things: who could be the loudest, who could annoy Kaim the most, and, on the rare occasion, who could destroy the most of the provisions through some thoughtless, bumbling action. Rising above the aggravating shrieks of prepubescent children came a loud, high-pitched shout of pain followed by the violent cackling of a gleeful Seth. Perhaps this time she will finish the job, Kaim thought to himself, throwing Jansen headfirst into the fire would, without a doubt, cease one of Kaim's daily annoyances. Although, he had to admit, there were times when the spontaneous mage would prove useful. If only he could shut his mouth in-between.

The frustration appeared to have waned for now, Kaim thought as he sat down heavily on the sandy bank. He rubbed at his throbbing temples and wiped the sweat from his brow, looking out at the murky water while he tried to figure out this new mystery. Human feelings were always so transient. He considered the overwhelming power of something like anger or misery, it seemed that in that moment, you would never be calm or happy again, as if the anger would go on and on, spreading from person to person until the whole world was affected. Before you realise the anger is gone, replaced by another emotion that would later change again and again. You get swept up in it, living to please your emotions all the time. It was nonsensical but, at the same time, inescapable. After all, these strange feeling that come and go, they flavour and colour human life, giving meaning to memories and lending credibility to actions.

Kaim hated being controlled by something so unexplainable.

There it was again, it appeared that he had circled back to that frustration. Not being able to put a finger on precisely what was affecting him but knowing that it was important. He should know, he should be in perfect control but he wasn't! With a quiet growl he made an attempt to release the unwanted feelings by hitting his palm against the soft ground, but all that was achieved in such a spur of the moment action was to trap a grain of sand in his eye. He growled again, louder this time, with the undertones of a vicious death threat, as if that made a difference. Conceding defeat, Kaim sighed softly and rubbed his eye until it was gone. His eye was blurry for a bit when he opened it, but rapidly cleared and gave him a perfect view of the stagnant water once more. He wished he could do that with his memories. There were so many ghosts, shadows, and blurry figures he could only half-remember and they taunted him with their achingly soft whispers at night when he hovered on the edge of unconsciousness.

The thing that bothered Kaim the most, if he had to pick something, would be the lack of order. Order was so essential to a soldier, to every fibre of his being. Without order there is only chaos, those meaningless dark swirls that twisted intentions and allowed absolute calamity. Without order to his memories, Kaim could not even begin to piece together his past. The lack of chronology made it feel as if he hadn't even lived 1,000 years of coherent life, only gathered up short bursts of memory and placed them all in a bag. There was no real meaning. He was helpless as life continued to drag him along through these random encounters that had no end.

The sun had well and truly slipped below the scraggly grey outcrops of rock in the distance and a chill swept through the air. Shivering slightly Kaim retrieved his wayward water skin and started to make his was back to the clearing they had chosen for the night. Everyone was gathered around the fire, talking and eating, keeping the fear of the unknown at bay. As he reached the rock he had chosen as his seat for the night and put his water skin down on the ground Ming offered him a plate of what looked like grainy porridge. He took it from her with a muffled thank you and unenthusiastically began spooning the sludge into his mouth. It didn't taste so bad if you got over the smell, Ming had obviously tried to make it more appetising by adding an assortment of spices but they clouded together and became confused. They also added to the weird texture of the dish. Kaim supposed that as a queen, Ming hadn't had to do much of her own cooking and it showed. Nevertheless, they all took turns doing the cooking and general chores that had to be done such as gathering firewood or rinsing the few plates they had in a bucket of water that also had to be fetched every day. It provided a sense of unity and teamwork throughout the group which was important but, at times like this, proved inconvenient.

Finishing his meal, Kaim lowered his plate to the ground and started heading off, intending to unroll his sleeping matt, when Seth called his name. "Kaim?" She looked at him over the fire. "We were going to stay up and tell some ghost storied for a bit if you were interested…"By the time she had finished her eyes were on the ground. She knew that most likely he would refuse but the children had been so set on _everyone _participating that she had to ask. Kaim looked over at Cooke and Mack huddled together beside Seth. Mack's eyes were shining with his unspoken plea while Cooke's held a defiant glare as if she didn't care whether he was there or not. It was sad to see such a grown up expression on the face of a child and Kaim felt his heart give a little twinge of guilt at the things they had been forced to go through over the last year or so. "OK, I'll stay" He said quietly sitting down. Cooke and Mack sprung up excitedly and started jumping around in celebration startlingly close to the fire. "I think it is high time you two settled down a bit" Ming called from across the fire.

"Stupid brats… Hey! You're kicking sand up in my face! Stop that!" Jansen exclaimed from his seat which was close enough to the children that he had to shield his face with one hand. Cooke stuck her tongue out at him but they both sat down on the log next to Seth and made no more noise. "Who wants to start?" Seth questioned poking the fire slightly with the gnarly old stick she held in her hand.

"I have not had much experience with ghost stories so perhaps I shall let someone else take the first turn" Ming said looking expectantly at Kaim. It felt like it would be correct that Kaim should know many ghost stories, he had been travelling a long time, but at the moment he couldn't think of a single one, they fluttered just out of reach somewhere in the back of his mind and made him frown. "Well, Mr Grumpy over there doesn't look like he's got much to say so I'm gunna go first. I know heeeaaps of scary stories!" Jansen chattered excitedly drawing out the word 'heaps' for far longer than was necessary. "Let me tell you about the evil spirit that lives in a seemingly ordinary vase, belonging to a nice old couple in Ghotza…" he began.

"No… wait.. I have one" Kaim said remembering an old story that was told to him in one of the many dusty pubs he had visited on his long journey. It was the only one he could remember clearly out of what felt like a vast library of stories locked inside his memory, but this one small victory made him feel stupidly triumphant over his traitor brain. He began to tell his tale, showing very little inflection in his deep, monotonous voice. The others, however, didn't seem to mind as they leant forward to hear a little better over the loud gale that the wind had now become.

When he had finished his story Kaim leant back and watched the terror on the children's (and Jansen's) faces. Maybe he shouldn't have told a tale quite so creepy, especially on a night where the shadows seemed to surround and capture you and the sounds of unknown objects trashing in the winds rushed past you. "Do… do you think that something like t-that could really… you know.. be real?" Mack asked in a soft, daunted voice, jumping at the rustle in the trees behind him.

"You know what? If it is then I'll just hack it to pieces with my sword!" Seth explained with a wild gleam in her eye and a savage grin on her face. Cooke laughed shakily in relief and shifted closer to the immortal pirate.

Kaim watched the group again as more jokes were made and Seth and Jansen somehow got into a fight over who would be better able to defeat the monster of his tale. Suddenly the children were laughing as Jansen managed to trip over his coat and tumble gracelessly to the ground from a sitting position. Even Ming had a quiet chuckle at the severe lack of coordination necessary to perform such a manoeuvre. The mood had completely shifted from the earlier fear and Kaim began to wonder if the transient nature of human emotion was a good thing after all. It did allow people to recover from small setbacks and the elating feeling of achievement you get when something turns out the way you want was, perhaps, worth the entire struggle. He decided that maybe giving up on emotions wasn't the right course of action.. Perhaps he could learn to live with them and the subsequent ups and downs that accompanied them.

Feelings, after all, won't be controlled by any conscious, no matter how stubborn, Kaim concluded with a small nod. The real power is adapting to them when they come and turning them to good use. With that thought Kaim finally stood up and went to his bedroll. It would be a challenge, but so many things in life were. After all, if everything could be obtained with no effort then nothing would have meaning. As he felt his mind slowly recede into unconsciousness, Kaim, for once, wasn't so afraid of what memories sleep may bring. He would face any new problems in the morning, and soon a soft snoring could be heard drifting from his form, replacing the more usual uncomfortable shifting that came when he dreamt of the bad memories.

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><p>I hope you enjoyed, and please let me know what you thought, Thank you. :)<p> 


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